Phil

Opening Address by Mr Phil Belbin 20th
Anniversary Brain Injury Rehabilitation Unit
1976 to 1996
 

The talk .... start with "memories of Lidcombe" ..... I have been asked to talk for a minute or two about my "impressions" of Lidcombe, two things stand out ..... cockroaches all over the floor every morning ... and real nurses who actually care for you.

BANG!!! The sickening sound of steel hitting a human body, then a "thump, thump" as I was run over, later I remember screaming "stop the pain, stop the pain", and asking the ambulance person "what had happened" even though in had guessed what had happened (I was on my pushbike and had been run over by a young kid in a 4 WD), then in emergency at Liverpool the doctors trying to find out who to contact and not being able to think clearly, but eventually giving my in-laws name, then just terrible nightmares (I remember each one clearly) for the next eleven days while I was in a coma (or as I say "I slept while everybody else worded").

When I woke the first thing I wanted was an orange juice, but it was impossible of course with a tracheae tube in, but one of the worst things was just not being able to move because of all my broken bones; and my lack of comprehension of my condition.

Then I was transferred from ICU and HD to the "normal" ward and learnt about lack of patient care, with all my broken bones it was impossible to feed myself, so the food was delivered to my bed, then taken away until my wife noticed nobody was feeding me when she wasn't there ..... then my wife noticed I was starting to "smell", and when she checked me out, I was growing a fungus in my armpits and crotch.

I was moved to Lidcombe Brain Injury Unit six weeks later screaming and kicking (figuratively of course) as I knew I wasn't brain damaged and didn't want to leave the "safety" of the ward at Liverpool Hospital and move further away from home, but didn't have any say in the matter.

One of the 4 or 5 ten minute visits from a physio while I was in Liverpool I learnt something very important, she said "the only way you are going to get out of Lidcombe is to walk out". I forgot about the statement until writing this note, but I guess it mad an impression on me because that's what I set out to do.

Lidcombe was terror, what with a change of hospital, new rules, further from home and less visits from my wife so my depression deepened and just had trouble comprehending what was really going on.

I was assessed for speech therapy and found it was not needed, assessed by an occupational therapist, and found to be reasonable O.K, then assessed by a neuropsychologist (sorry Carol if I have given you a wrong title) and discovered that I really did have a few problems, one of the things that really hit home was my short term memory and my logic or reasoning ability, just the fact that accident had "changed" me was terrifying enough in itself. Knowing that I had changed made me want to withdraw or deny it.

Now we come to the person who by her tolerance, care and understanding really motivated me to do better all the time. Angie (I affectionately called her "the bitch"). She praised all my little achievements and with her help, never had one day where I went backward. She understood all my frustration with my "new" body, and kept me up with what was happening with my case meetings. She understood my frustration at my lack of dexterity and co-ordination, and thought I was mad when we were first introduced as all I wanted was to go on the "tilt table" (one of my nightmares was I was strapped into a tilt table about 10,000 feet over the ocean on a platform outside a balloon) to the point of obsession. So I finally got on the table and nearly fainted the first time, I just couldn't believe just how physically hard is was to be in the upright position, sweat just poured off me. There were just so many things to learn that normal people just take for granted, like walking in a straight line, walking up stairs, holding a glass of water without spilling it and just simple tasks where the mind knows what it had to do, but the body just isn't capable.

I found it really hard to be away from the ward, little projects like woodwork were just painful to be away from the ward and I just wanted back as soon as I was there. Only two places I was really comfortable were the ward and home when I was allowed weekend home visits, really strange for somebody whose wife referred to him as "an airport junkie" (I just liked travelling to different places).

One of the hardest things is coming to terms with what the "new" body is capable of, I was going to say "restrictions of the new body" but that is a negative approach, and how much your logic and thinking processes change, where as before I was reasonably active, riding a push bike, surfing, jogging, golf and pistol shooting, now all the active sports are denied to me, mainly because of my spine damage, but I have started pistol shooting again even though I have dropped from A grade to D grade. My mood swings are "gigantic", probably because of my frustration to do anything physical now, but I am learning to control them. My ability to concentrate on problems was almost no existent post accident, but am playing computer games that require a logical approach, and playing backgammon with a friend have bought back my logic "almost" to the point where it was pre accident, and have even played a game of chess against the computer and won (beginner level).

I have little crying "jags" sometimes, especially when I think about friends overseas, or drive past Mascot an'port, I guess I will overcome that little hurdle in time as well, some of it is a mental problem, and some physical, I get exhausted and ache like you wouldn't believe when I am tired, and there is the worry of having an "accident with my bowels, I just have to work up to taking trips, which is hard when you are comfortable in a "home" environment, but I look upon it as part of my rehabilitation......... one day I will visit my friends in Sacramento, Boston and Ottawa...,....

One very important thing in a patients recovery is tolerance and understanding of their condition, but not pampering, they need to be motivated to "achieve", and I think the brain injury unit a Lidcombe (now Liverpool) has achieved some spectacular successes by workng as a complete "team" to "cure" patients.

I wonder how things are now a Liverpool with the patients in separate rooms, in Lidcombe we were all in one big ward, and there were some good friendships built up because "we were all in this together", and people looked out for each other, so I really wonder how the "isolation" affects the recovery process.

A thing I lived, was showing Matthew (Dr Giblin) improvements in my arm mobility, I guess it was just another little "challenge". I remember him saying "it was a real kick in the guts" when he saw me on the table when I was admitted to Liverpool hospital as he knew me before the accident, and the 'wondering" how he was going to tell Kerynne I was dead.

I should mention my O.T as well, Belinda was very tolerant of my effort to rejoin the work force, I think it was just a fight to get back to work so I could consider myself as "normal" and contribute something instead of sitting at home watching TV.

These views are those of a patient who has survived brain injury, ancl I would like to thank my wife (who knew I wasn't going to die), my daughter, Angie (the "bitch", who motivated me), Adeline and of course the nurses (especially Nichole, "the nurse from hell").

What else can I say but "thank you" to all the people who helped me survive and became my friends.